a lot to (un)pack

i do not handle
negativity well
it creates a
feedback loop
sounding off the
already less than
ecstatic worldview
doubling down
in my strained
at the best of times
shfting fragility

i feel quiet
which is always
a bad first sign
a tectonic sway
in bipolar hemispheres
as darkness
blankets my mind

a silver flask
filled with winsome tears
sweats on the
bedside table
and i am already
feeling intoxicated
on sorrows
yet the glutton inside
sips merrily
unconcerned about
morning aftermaths
unsure of if it is
morning or evening
just another day
in lockdown confined
to solitary embitterment

the ceiling seems
oversaturated
as i myopically sink
into the pillow
murmuring prayers
that dribble over
broken lips to go
unheard with every
i love you muttered
between sobs and sighs
a kinetic agony machine
spinning in place
my heart a weathervane
unerringly pointing
towards your smile

it is less about
the dissolution of
a friendship and
more about betrayals
a disappointment
in myself for never
seeing the truth
whether by blinders
or blinded by bullshit
i foolishly seek
the good in others
and it never fails
to bite me in the ass

caught in a feedback loop
where the spots
forming in the corners
of my vision seem more
akin to rorscharh tests
all i see is coat hangers
and empty cans of beer

maybe tonight i will sleep
to wake tomorrow to
watch the sunrise
as gold paints the city
or perhaps i will never
fall for tricks of
morpheus ever again and
lay in a storm of stinging grit
as the sandman roars
in his petulant rage

One thought on “a lot to (un)pack

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