Happy Ishtar

“So let me get this straight.”


“Invisible sky guy knocks a woman up with himself so he can die to erase the sins he created in the first place?”

“Well, you are over simplifying…”

“And we celebrate with chocolates and dyed eggs?”

“I mean… well see, …”

“And coincendentally the major holidays fall on the winter solstice and spring equinox? Just like the major pagan holidays?”


“No please explain it. Also who was writing down the moments of quiet prayer between Jesus and himself? Or how is inbreeding lead to abnormalities when we all come from two people?”

“You are picking and choosing.”

“Did you mark your doorway with lamb blood so God knows you are a good worshipper?”

“Fuck you.”

“Not until we are married.”

“You are just a Satanist.”

“Nope. He is as fictional as the rest of it.”

“I will pray for you.”

“Don’t. Do something worth while like donate your time to help poor underprivileged children.”

“You are going to hell.”

“Nope. I’m going into the ground to rot. Like everybody else does.”

“That’s it? We just die and it over? How sad for you.”

“How sad for you that you need an invisible watcher to keep you from doing bad things. I have a moral code that has no need of reward or punishment. I do what I want and have the self respect to know right from wrong. And sometimes I don’t give a shit. Sometimes bad shit is fun. Like sex. And drugs.”

“But if there is nothing waiting for us when we die, what is the point?”

“There is none. Lightning struck the primordial ooze. Life happened by accident. We crawled out and developed into bipeds. And after a while we had a crisis and needed there to be more. So the smart people made a system of belief to control the masses. Hell was invented to keep the populace in check. We are happy mistakes doomed to flounder through life and die.”


“I don’t need you to believe me.”

“But isn’t it all so empty without belief.”

“Not really. You just try your damnedest to enjoy the little things. Be a good enough person that maybe you leave a mark. You love, you live and you die. It is enough.”

“I can’t believe you feel this way.”

“It’s better than thinking children burn for eternity because they weren’t taught the right mythos. Or killing someone because your god has a bigger dick than someone else’s.”

“You don’t really believe this. You are just trying to agitate me.”

“You believe what you want. I believe in what I can see. What I can touch. Science. Art.”

“All inspired by God.”

“The greatest works of art and science were considered blasphemous until proven true. The sun revolved Earth until it didn’t.”

“It was a different time then.”

“But God knows all. Why didn’t he give this knowledge to man from the beginning?”

“It is a test.”

“No. Life is a test. An endurance test. History shows this. It shows that man has always explained what he didn’t understand by giving it some grand meaning. At first with a pantheon then slimmed down to one all might father. Mind control.”

“It must be miserable living with no faith.”

“It really isn’t. It is freeing. Liberating honestly. As long as I obey societal laws I can do what I want. When I want. I have no fear of retribution for my sinful thoughts.”

“But he watches. And judges.”

“He really doesn’t. If he does why do so many priests rape little boys with no punishment? Where are the repercussions for that? Or when the Bible specifically states do not build a house to worship me in for the world is my temple? How does that balance out with the millions of tax free income?”

“It will all be sorted out in the afterlife.”

“Okay. Then I will be in heaven waiting for you.”

“You will not. I’m sorry but hell awaits non-believers.”

“Then so be it. But I will bet dollars to doughnuts we end up in the same place.”

“No. No we won’t.”

“Okay. This is going no where. Happy Easter to you Father.”

“And to you Mike. Will I see you at service Sunday?”



“April fool’s.”

“Ever the sinning fool.”

“I plan on sitting in my favorite chair and jerking off to pictures of men.”


“Love a man in suit.”

“There is no limit to your depravity.”

“There is none. It is a bottomless pit of hellish intent.”

“I do love when you stop by.”

“Me too.”

“See you next year?”

“God willing.”



“Your mother is going to be upset she missed you.”

“Tell her I’ll call when I get home.”

“Please do son.”


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