when i eight i got a survival knife

the overly long, serrated blade with compass in hilt that had matches and a wire for use as a saw

think audition by takashi miike

—

one of my favorite movies

the moment the bag flips it becomes terrifying

my friend bought it after i told him how amazing it is

he gave it to me a couple days later, he watched it and didn’t want it in his home

it gets disturbing

miike is my favorite director

his ability to tell a brilliant story and occasionally beautiful and over the top gore is perfect

i don’t recommend him anymore

—

survival knife

i don’t recall wanting one

i don’t really recall the circumstances but i had one

and i put it in my belt and explored the woods

i mean sometimes

i was pretty round and

well

effort

so suddenly a far too young kid had a way too big knife and an overactive imagination

so i would take my knife and a book and go just out of sight and read

i could no more have killed something with it as i could have run

i was dead if something attacked

the first time my dad said i would have to cut the head off the snake or it would keep coming at me was the coincedentally the first time the outdoor mercenary firmly and without question realized

fuck

that

i like hiking like the next guy

except where ticks are

—

third grade

i was bored in class

per usual

i don’t know why but i realized there was something in my neck

i kept picking at it

i had discovered science fiction

transformers cartoons before school

jules verne

hg wells

so i scratch and something pops

i pull my hand around and see a tick in it

i still don’t know if this happened or i freaked myself out

i killed it with my pencil and brushed the body to the floor

and the teacher droned on and on about something that seemed so simple but he was on the fourth go through his spiel and c’mon man i was to race out and get a swing

there’s only so many and it is prime real estate

and i feel something on my arm

and i swear that little bastard was angrily scurrying to get back in my neck

i freaked out and flicked it away but the rest of the day i felt it crawling on me

if it was ever there to begin with

—

i had been sitting under a tree with that god damned knife poking me in the love handle

it was too hot and too bright and it was giving me a headache

i just wanted to go in but even then i knew my dad got me that knife to toughen me up

make me a man

like i said

i was fat and loved to read and draw

the great outdoors seemed filled with a distinct feeling of dread

but it made him happy

plus i think that was when he and mom, uhh

coupled

eww

i felt something on my neck, an itch

and i said nature could eat a bag of

penii

i went inside, put the knife in the drawer and forgot it existed for years

when i found it again i remembered the tick

phantom itch on the back of my neck

and threw the cursed thing away

now i’m gonna watch audition

fall asleep with it on and dream about giant ticks with a taste for my sweet third grade blood

and me with no weapon to save the world

dad would be so disappointed

kinda want a new survival knife