i’m my own dopplegänger, an ill fitting, clumsy suit of meat controlled by parasitical aspirations

myopic and confused

stuttering against the flow of words to define what it means to be drowning in a shallow pool of depression

struggling to find the words

falling failing flailing hopelessly

lost in the surge

unable to find the phrase that

defines, refines, declines, resigns, designs, implies, relies, relays, dismays, conveys, inlays

the monster inside

impossible to

constrain, refrain, contain, in vain, flowing through my veins, rushing through lymphatic, emphatic, ecstatic

tumors rumors gossip and lies

exaggerating reports of my mental demise

been sitting at the edge of the cliff all day today

fermenting foibles and fallacies from fair and frothy fervent findings

unable to stay still yet immobile in this inescapable feeling of

i’m an imposter

stamping down the seeds of blossoming infatuation and surfing the salient seas of former flames as the wicks are just so much smoke in the breeze

retreading the worn path to the graveyard in my mind

leaving flowers on every eternal flame that becomes an inferno in an internal combustion engine of entropic surmise

no more romantic than a sixth grade sex ed book and giggling at words like vulva and clitoris

peeling back the layers and kissing the pearl

reticent yet unable to rectify

determined to be detrimental

relapsing renal rental agreements and releasing reedy rotten remorse

subjagating succulent subjectives sullenly subsiding supplicants suckling success sufficiently so somber shepherds sully sodden suffrage

he is me and i am him but two halves a whole don’t make

give me a couple days to figure myself out

to try and find the better parts of this rancid cake of fragrant fluctuations

i’m a dopplegänger in my own thin skin

preemptively leaping to conclusive and often imbecilic decisions of discretionary choices

unable to stammer a simple thank you or i love you to the object of my heart’s discontent

the ground around me crumbles and the cliff is just a portal into the emptiness inside

and i’m slipping

slipping

away