remember when you would come over and we would get baked out of our minds

kiss or listen to music

just chill

doing what we would do alone but with someone else

it made it okay

for like ten minutes or so

then reality would hammer it’s way in and make everything

just so

bare nerve endings to the air

the ceiling fan usually sends a nice little breeze but it feels overly cold being so emotionally naked and still frozen in a rictus

but

you know

sweet at the same time

the togetherness of utter defeat and infinite sorrow

do you remember

i do

not all the time

but occasionally

maybe i am just spiralling enough to have a brief moment of clarity

that second between hit and taking your finger off the choke and clearing the chamber

zen

watching the smoke churn and turn yellow

fall into the wheel

stained glass surrealism in techno pastel

you’re like that episode of it’s always sunny

the one that makes me cry

normally the show is laughter but for four minutes it is beautiful and heart breaking

that was us

but now i am stoned and alone

and watched that episode

made me miss how bright we burned for that short period

the cusp

last year seems yesterday

sometimes

now i dream of android uprisings and melted sundaes

just another whatever in a series of who cares

one of those bermuda triangle of emotional shit tsunamis

garbage in depression out