as a kid i thought hamburger and hot dog buns were restaurant things

fancy and specially made

we used white bread and eat fast before the mustard and pickles make it fall apart

to this day i’m indifferent to them

seem extraneous

with a tall glass of kool aid or tea brewed in a glass jar from the pizza place

bitter no matter how much

extra sugar

blue light specials as far as the eye can see

wild child roaming the woods at night catching tadpoles and fireflies

a pancreatic deadzone

the beginnings of juvenile diabetes and a squad of chunky monkeys waddling down the trails

greasy faces from potato chips

feeding a family cheaply means cutting some nutritional corners

flintstone chewable to balance out canned vegetables vitamin deficiencies

always chewed after brushing teeth and drinking orange juice

an association with that flavor lingers

white out that fourth stripe

name brands meant fresh merchandise at the discount store

slightly irregular garments explain the odd fit of fitting in

lowly standing in societal heirarchy led to mass caloric consumption

the body never as lithe as the mind

just a vessel for faster than light comebacks and the lack of filter stemming from only having oneself to bounce ideas off of

tasting the words before cognition occurs

using vernacular dissidence to detract from biophysical failings

never able to buy self esteem

stretching a dollar past self worth

layers of armor like the day old discount store bread wrapped around thin skin and hyper active trauma hamburger of shame

soggy and tearing from starving fingers grasping fervently

too tightly

torn between what is real and unsaid and what is assumed and unheard

looking off to the side and watching fish in an aquarium

lips move in their own accord

girl

i love you and can do things to you that will make you find and lose god

one orgasm at a time

lick every inch of you and make my name the second favorite thing on your tongue

just don’t make eye contact

look past the knock off accoutrements and green stain around my neck from the chain

the big flashy pendant

rhinestones and metallic foil

all shimmy no shine

got my first pair of nike sneakers in eighth grade

fell into ravine trying to keep them clean

grabbed a dead tree in loose soul and fell ten feet into a fractured wrist and now muddy gym shoes

hit a growth spurt and one hundred dollars we didn’t have down the drain

rolled in vans ever since

just a fat poor kid in a cheap halloween costume of functional adulting

lost in the store as my mother shoplifts in the crafts section so we have buttons to fix garments lost in the war with processed sugars and sub-median income

shoplifting fantasy books and nudie mags from the mall

raiding the coin jar for money for pop and the arcade

too cheap to pay attention to health

too far gone to find the value of self interpretation

some masks are porcelain and other molded plastic

mine is paper mache newspaper cuttings of wasted chances and potential

stolen books and bad posture

self deferential to the point of crippled

looking for the riches of love and acceptance in the coupon cluster in the mail

wagyu beef between two slices of stale bread

while grandma loses a leg

and all the aunts and uncles gather at the table to check their blood sugar before a hard days drinking

shaky hands and bloodshot eyes