it feels like running an all out sprint

while sitting still

heart hammering inside my rib cage like a rabid owl that just spotted a dormouse

and not in the good way

not in the did i just do a rail of meth off a stripper’s thigh way

not in the did she just look at me and acknowledge i exist way

in the you are going to die

everything is falling apart around you

how did you manage to fuck everything up and allow it to spiral out of control until all that is left is a crater on the side of a mountain way

it’s probably all in my head

but if my brain doesn’t melt and slide out of my ears like a grey gelatinous goo

or my heart doesn’t blow at least three valves trying to vent the pressure

my eyes could rupture from the immense fluid build up behind them

there’s not enough oxygen and too much at the same time

the best part of waking up is the weight of the world on your back

better than coffee and crank and speed and meth and coke and love

for killing you quickly without a moment’s notice