i am a painter
combining the hues
of mania and depression
into new shades
of endless misery

i prefer
the original colors
deep blue depression
wild lilac mania
these are rivers
i can navigate
familiar
like the back
of my mother’s hand

it is when they swirl
i lose pieces
of myself in the froth
periwinkle hints
of tragic dismay
deep thrombosis purple
of earth quaking defeat

i am a painter
with no choice
of which tone sounds
forced to bathe
in whatever fecund breath
is blown across my mind
leaving half formed vistas
of sultry anguishes
spinning faster and faster
hoping the entire machine

stops