after spending too much of my life destroying everything i touched and not understanding why, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. my BPDs.

i live my life on a rollercoaster. trapped in my head. my view of myself is a collection of scars and ugliness. i take in the entire world, lost in the wonder of it, and feeling separated from it always.

i am an emotional laser beam, capable of reducing everything to ashes, unaware until i awake covered in grit and confused as to where everything went. i am a ticking time bomb and no one, not even me, can see the counter.

i sabotage myself at every turn. not on purpose. not always. subconsciously, there is a wrecking ball smashing all the glass remnants of joy and hope. because my brain screams constantly about how i will never be more than a stain.

i love like armageddon. until it is taken away. than i curl up in a ball and vanish before your unnoticing eyes. loving and being ignored until i am a scab discarded. because my mind is a hell with no escape and this is what i deserve.

still. i slice off the thinnest layers and plaster them onto the screen for your enjoyment. in my mind, it’s the least i can do to make others who feel this way know they are not alone. because we do. surrounded by a thousand people and we are the only one there.

i give all of myself, all of the time and wonder why i am empty. but i can keep cutting. there is alw pplays more to bleed.