i can never
remember my age
but statistically
it is an anomaly
because for the
entirety i have
fought the urge
to fucking end it
not to stop illusions
of pain but merely
to make the whirlwind
finally fucking cease

if it isn’t my mood
it’s my interpretation
of everything outside
usually both ganging up
on me at the exact
same time until i drift
outside to see the chaos
is self contained storms
no one else experiences

and i am so tired
bonedeepsoulscarred
exhaustion from a
battle i cannot wage
alone even as i
misperceive everyone
pulling further away
where the only piece
left undiseased is
the heart no one wants
and i wonder if in
my delusions it is the
source of these incessant
malodorous melodies in
malnourished misaffections
tied to my ankles as
i sink downdowndown
deeper into the dark