i wonder
some mornings
if i was ever
really here
or if this
life was just
a distortion
cast by a
stray photon
racing toward
the ever expanding
horizon alone

a slow drip of
lithium tapped
directly into
the icy river
of vascular
insignificance
indigo shadows
the shame shade
as the rings
around my eyes
twitch with a
palpable menace
as i scurry from
room to room in
search of anything
to fill this hole
threatening to
consume me whole

i try not to blink
for fear of eradicating
the entirety of
existence because
in this version
i know she exists
better to go blind
than cause her even
an ounce of discomfort

i am almost positive
i was never really here