i spent the
entirety of the weekend
actually existing
the howling wolves
of loneliness held
at bay as the early
sunset painted indigo
mountains hanging
sharply inverted
in the last brave
diffusion of burnt
umbra clawing desperately
at the dying weekend

i feel the discharge
the jacob’s ladder
fizzling out before
reaching the top
a dichotomy in a
surge of warmth as
the chill depression
taints the voltage

i struggle mightily
trying to understand
my place in this world
churning the glass
in my guts to vomit
fresh blood daily unsure
what the point is in
throttling my scarred
tissue paper heart more
this interminable hell
this abusement park of
inherited sins in ink
blot serenades to dying
a little more each day

what i want isn’t for
someone broken like me
yet i lay in bed lying
to myself in abstract
dreamshatter sermons
where the bad guy manages
to somehow get the girl
as the sun angrily paints
fractured tomorrows in
the faded vanity of summer