i have lost
track of
who it is
i was supposed
to be
and i dislike
the person
everyone seems
to see instead

a literal litany
in unlearned
lessons leaving
lesions leaking
a loveless pus

a stain
vaguely human
in low light

the loneliness
in needing to be
left alone
because i can’t
let anyone see
there is nothing
inside of me
except your future
bitter regrets

i was never more
than exactly what
i begged the world
to patently ignore
becoming lesser
as i push
everyone away

the rain threatens
i make myself
smallerandsmaller
because all i see
is the dour gray
radiating from
a semipoetic slick
undulating across
the top of puddles
a decrease in
visibility leaving
an increase in
insubstantialbility

one day scholars
will argue
if i ever existed
in the first place

i did not