at first
nihilism
feelsimpossible
you have to
reckon against
folklore told
in
hushed
whispers
nightmares
to be painted
on cave walls
ingrained
perpetuated
by primal fear

then you
have to contend
with self
if nothing
has any meaning
can you accept
you are an
animal
dominant
theoretically
honestly
case by case
not looking great
for some of us
your life
your dreams
are biological
imperatives
no more
no less

this isn’t faith
no dogma
no sudden conversion
on the fluke chance
one of the billions
of religions
somehow
true divinity
turned out
to be real
tough titty
said the kitty
hope whatever diety
(petite blonde likes bald guys)
has a sense of humor
or see you in
the fathomless abyss
(voted second most romantic getaway
two millennia in a row)

it isn’t
so bad after
the existential
horror fades away

what it does
is allow
an unfettered view
of trivialites
these small wars
which feel important
solipsistically
aren’t a concern
in an orphan’s mourning

your latte order
didn’t unshoot a school

if nothing matters
and all we get is this
why spend it so consumed
with things beyond your control
when you are a cyclone
filled with chemicals
and sleep deprivation
with the ability to
enact meaningful change
on the world around you

not for yourself
you don’t matter in the end
you are compost

why not try to make it
better for someone else
because life fucking sucks
you don’t have to as well

we want to attach meaning
to being a human so badly
we stopped being human
and we don’t even notice
and that’s as fucking absurd
as any sky daddy kink