An Actual Prayer from Myself to God

Hello there, umm, God? Goddess? Gods? Elemental Spirits? Mother Gaia? Loki?

please be Loki, please. you will get me. born of Frost Giants and given to the hated enemy. raised as one of the Aesir and rightful heir to Asgard. destined to rise and lead victory at Ragnarock.

fuck. or Jesus. Lamb of God. blah blah blah

I feel if you are actually listening you can tell this is aimed at you. Almighty insert your name here

we both know I don’t believe in you no matter how often I scream at you, or whisper to you (I need you at those moments, but you do not give a shit) so this feels nearly as fictitious as you are

or aren’t, who the fuck am I not to try and hedge a bet or two? like the old short story, Old Scratch where the dude sells his soul and then carries a bible every where so the devil cannot get him. 

that shows inherent non-belief doesn’t it? how about this? you actually answer or give me a burning bush or actually help my problem out and I will swear fealty or whatever. draw out a contract. 

in fact let’s make this clear to whoever is listening, I will totally sell my fucking soul. I mean I sort of am no matter what. so who gives a shit if it lies on the, let us call it, darker side?

consider me a free agent, willing to play for prayers. look at my track record for loyalty in the face of looming stupidity. I stick around well past expiration dates. so maybe you give me a little I give you eternal worship.

no weird shit. well maybe some depending. honestly deciding how good a deal I get says a lot about how far I am willing to go.

I am charismatic, I could start a cult or some shit. we can talk a body count per miracle system. I am easy as shit. 

fuck. is this the point in prayer? to realize just how far you have fallen and pretend an invisible asshole (no offense intended to any listening parties) will somehow save you?

Hit me up if you want to deal, I have exactly three things I need and am willing to go balls deep for the right offer

I am sincere, we both know this. prove you are not hypothetical and let’s get working. I have a lot of ideas on how to take this global. 

sincerely(?) yours


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