two weeks until the kids return

solitary confinement until then, these walls and my own frantic screams the only companions, the words constant and undiluted, unlimited in speed and force, a physics equation of the breaking point of a man

limit reached, exceeded, the duality of depression and longing intricate and become one

I need relief

the dulcet tones of reverberating jackhammers, manhandled and forced to panhandle on the side of the road to purgatory

spare some change, enact some change, react to the strange and unexplored tenets of faith and hope in this over exploited one man wrecking crew

dynamic, fluid, protestant ideals of cultural inoculation

pensive and alert, over caffeinated, vaccinated from the cold hard edge of maybe this is the end

of the line, of the road, of lulling oneself to sleep with the empty words that tomorrow will be better

it will not

it will be another day, the same day, too snug in the chest, billowing out at the neck and waist

waste

careening into the picket fence wrapped yard of disassociate hopes wants needs

two and a half children, unfortunate amputees and alcohol induced stunt driving

head is spinning, wheels are spinning, mind is reeling, kneeling in a submissive stance, in prayer, of prey, of futility, utility, virility and outlandish voyeuristic foibles

double dipped and left to dry, smashed and trashed, bagged and tagged, rejuvenation by means of sunburnt fantasy

the muffled shouts of the buried alive

banging on the coffin lid, silk sheets and bloody fingernails, franticly clawing

callous, card carrying cardigan wearing shill for a brighter future

a safety deposit box

black and white photos of yesteryear, treasured baubles and candy cigarettes, set forth into the promised land, lanced and festering, leeches and bloodletting, another trough of water, tied up and waiting for the rack, wracked with pain

vindicated and subversive, trained to sniff for bombs, an allergic reactionary, visionary contortionist, reptilian eyes in an all too human frame

varicose remnants, remorse code, tapping out the letters of my demise

cellular mitosis, my neuroses, meta blockers, alpha rockers and beta keratin receptors

anthem for the anemic, scenic stops on the route carefully planned by computer sirens, faulty wiring, diodes and capacitance

blandly brandished, badly hand tossed and left to rise, a yeast injection, bubbling and alive but the allure has lost its luster

bluster, blister, blaster, hand guns and hand to gland combat, eliminate waste, firing squads and hooded executioners, ballet and badly worded proposals

graduated last in show, first to go, secondary mutations and migrital patterns

lead footed, led astray, adjacent and discombobulated, remiss and disenchanted

on one knee, disengagement rings of hearty hearthstones and misshapen birthstones, diuretic in a sea of foam

woke up tired went to bed wide awake, a constant state of dichotomy, duel nature, en garde, sword at the ready, soft parts exposed

like a boss in a video game, weak points highlighted, a pattern for defeat, programmed regimen of relentless victory poses and canned response, quick time events and hand eye subordination

the true enemy is the mind, the feeble grasp on what is what was and what shall never be

two weeks of unending silence

a month of failure to exist

alone