started to see my failings, my dreaming heart, my romantic streak, my insecurities as a business opportunity, a chance to turn all this hypnotic jiggle and subversive intellect into cold hard cash, a little side money as the side piece

boyfriend rental, want to feel like the top of the world and the only girl that matters, need a slave, a pig, a knight in corroded armor, someone to menacingly stare at your ex, ever want to date a five and a half

no shirt no shoes no pants and i will service you, that’s my motto, open twenty three hours a day, every other weekend and holidays off unless it goes longer then six months and you can meet the kids

you break it you bought it tattooed on my chest, born with a heart of glass and an unhealthy obsession with making you blush, making your heart sing, making you eventually feel the need to leave me, free poetry

half day, whole day rentals available, need someone to convince your parents you are not miserable and single, i can make them wish you were, or make them love me, you are the boss applesauce

the contract says no strings attached but we both know that is a lie

the contract says no sex until the third date, this rule applies, usually

the fine print says you will be the subject of shitty prose for one month after ending it, non-negotiable

the look in my eyes will tell you when to abandon ship

so what do you say, need a puppet boyfriend to parade about, someone who will carry your emotional baggage, keep you safe and cuddle you, hold you tight as you sleep, smell your hair

call now, please, make your dreams come partially true, let me build you up to the person you really are, make you a catch for the one you really want, let me be your temporary lover

will haggle over price, will pay on the first date and most likely any subsequent dates after, will pick where we eat, car ride serenades included, long talks as well, hand holding and foot massages

come on down to Mike’s Boyfriend for a Time, the best, worst emotional investment you can make in this trying economy, bring a lawyer and a priest

what have you got to lose but time you could have spent with someone you actually like