Can’t Have a Suicide Without I, Phase Twelve – A Successful Death But Not an End

My phone ringing broke me from the opioid induced sleep. I opened my eyes and had to shake the fuzz from my brain.

Did the evening even happen?

I dreamt of Her. The look in Her eyes as She looked at me. I have never seen anyone look at me with that intensity and pure… love? Adoration. She meant her words and had been waiting for a long time alone for a Her mate.

And She has Beth. Captured her so She could learn more about me. And I agreed to exchange myself for Beth, the only woman I really truly loved.

Fuck me.

And that doesn’t even begin to touch on the powers I have gotten from this relationship with an ice demon of amazing beauty.

If She weren’t so all powerful and maybe a touch insane, I would totally be into Her.

On the bridge She seemed genuine though. Like maybe there is more beneath the surface. Something tragic. With enough power to kill anyone that crosses Her.

My phone was still ringing. It was Chad.

“What’s up cuz?”

“Happy birthday!”

“Thanks. It was yesterday.”

“I know, I sent you a message online. And texted.”

“I was in the hospital.”

“Shit. Everything okay?”


“I have news for you. Gonna make your day.”

“Beth has been found. She is okay.”

“How in the fuck did you know that?”

“Lucky guess. I had a feeling. Intuition.”

“Wow. She called me this morning. No idea what happened. Doesn’t remember anything the last couple days. The police took her home.”

“Probably for the best.”

“She still wants to leave him for you. As quickly as possible.”

Ever feel your heart swell with pure emotion? I had never wanted to float away on a cloud of love like this. But this is reality and reality is fucking pain.

“Tell her not to. Right now at least. I have to take a trip and I don’t know how long it will take.”

“Haley. Are you dying? Be honest with me. You are finally getting the one thing you have wanted for the last fucking decade and you have to go away?”

“It is cancer. I am going away for treatment at a special clinic in Minnesota. Twenty percent chance of success. Experimental. I didn’t want anyone to worry so I kept it on the down low.”

“Fuck. What can I do?”

“Tell Beth I will always love her. That I am doing this for her. It is all for her. If I don’t make it back, well just tell her I love her. Okay?”

“Will do. I don’t know what to say Haley. Everytime shit starts looking up it just falls apart. I am so sorry. I love you man.”

“It is all gonna work out. Somehow, some way. Love you too. Look I have to go. I will call you when I can. If not, well fuck. If not tell everyone I tried. I did what I could.”

“You are going to beat this. It is just a bump in the road. I will talk to you soon.”

“You bet.”

I doubt I will ever talk to you again cousin. Or you Beth. I don’t even know where I was going and if I can come back.

I decided to take a couple happy pills. As I grabbed the bottle out of my jacket pocket the note from Lucy fell out.

On a whim I decided to call and see how she was feeling.


“Hey Lucy. It’s Mikhail. From yesterday.”

“Sorry I bailed on you like that. You were yelling on the phone and I just got really freaked out over what you said and I didn’t know what to do…”

“Totally fine Lucy. I would have bailed too. I said a lot of crazy shit. How are you feeling?”

“I feel great still. I have an appointment today for chemo and I am going to have them check me out. Whatever happened yesterday seems to have made me better. I don’t understand it but you are my supposed to question miracles. At least my mother always said that. I never really experienced one before now.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Look, I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay.”

“Have you talked to your stalker?”

“Yes. Remember Beth?”

“The love of your life who died? You may have mentioned her.”

“Ha. She isn’t dead. My stalker had her. Kidnapped her to learn about me. I made a deal with Her. Beth is home and fine.”

“What do you have to do?”

“It is not important. Take care of yourself Lucy. Send me a message and let me know what the doctor says. I hope it is good news.”

“Look, I don’t know how, but I think you used your power to heal me. I thought about it all night last night. When you grabbed me at Walgreens. Did you do something?”

“That sounds too insane to be true Lucy. All of it is. Better if you just forgot.”

“Yeah. I thought so too. Thank you Mikhail. For everything you didn’t do to help me.”

“It was my pleasure. Doing nothing is sort of my specialty. You take care Lucy.”

“It isn’t too late. Whatever deal you made. You can back out of it. Think of yourself. For once.”

“It is gonna be fine. Don’t worry about. Take care of yourself Lucy. I’m glad we met.”

“Me too. You are my angel. I know you are. Next time we see each other we will go eat pizza and you can tell me all about it.”

“I cannot think of anything I would enjoy more than that.”

“Be careful and I will send you a text after the doctor.”

I hope she is good. Wish I would have met her and had time to get to know her better, she seemed like a good person and we could have been friends. She stands as one of the few good deeds I have accomplished.

I spent the next couple hours packing. A lot of shit accumulates over the years and most of it is worthless junk. I packed my clothes and mementos I wanted to take with me. The rest I put into piles. Some of it had special meaning that Beth would maybe appreciate. Some was action figures I had bought in another life that I planned to go to Chad’s kids. They deserved better than being locked away in a closet.

It dawned in me I don’t know where we are going. Her domain was just the campfire as far as I knew. Would I be able to take electronics? Was there even power there? I had a million questions and just as many years. But I need to remain busy. Keep my mind off of what is to come. The uncertainty of my future. My fate finally coming to fruition.

I packed up the happy pills. I may have need of them later.

As if on cue as I sat down my phone rang. Unknown number.


“I have fulfilled my end of the bargain. Are you ready to fulfill yours?”

“Do you have electricity in your realm?”

“What? We can have anything we wish. Why such an odd question?”

“Trying to figure out if I need to bring my computer and video games.”

“Video games? My love you have strange customs. Bring whatever you feel is important to you. You have much to learn and we have all of eternity together.”

Not at all creepy.

“How do we do this then?”

“Turn around.”

I watched as reality ripped before my eyes. A blue tear in the air. And directly on the other side of it She stood. I left the letter I had written on the table. My will I guess.

I grabbed my bags and tossed them through. The box with my computer and systems in my hand I took a deep breath and walked into the tear.

As I did my phone shook and I looked down. The words Full Remission glowed at me.

My last action was a good one. I did one thing right.

I love you Beth. I hope you can find it in your heart to understand I did this for you.

As I stepped through the hole closed with a snap. We were standing in the clearing from my dream. Behind Her stood a giant castle like building.

“Welcome Home my love. I have waited for this day for longer than you could possibly imagine.”

I had a feeling this was as much a beginning as it was an end to the life I had known. In that moment Mikhail died, less a suicide than a sacrifice.

It only took a week to get it right.

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