respite, words

not sure which personality is in charge today

been teary eyed, at the edge of breaking down, chest under pressure, head hurts, gonna cry any minute

need release

need relief

missing the feeling of missing someone, missing the feeling of being missed

miss mattering

misplaced, mischief, misaligned, maligned, maladjusted and saturated with grief

feel so sad today

every breath a thousand razors in my chest, holding the sadness at bay through will power and a sense that if i give in it may not end until sleep overtakes all irrational thought

not good enough, not smart enough, not clever enough to rattle the cages of happier thoughts

living lavishly on loneliness, spending sadness and sorrow like the bank is overflowing with funds, like i am overflowing with worth, like every tear is a coin in the piggy bank and the rupture us coming

mismatched pieces of a puzzle placed upside down and the timer is running

trickling sand through the slender glass waist, wasted time and wondering, wandering, whimsical, and whittled down to the skeleton of past understandings

the who what when where and why of emotional distress

how no longer an issue, consistency and confusion coefficients in the equation of labored breathing

used to think a good cry was good for the system

until a good cry became a daily occurrence and now is a default program in an existence that barely results in existing, exists and persists

pandering to the based emotional distress, my mistress, my missing groove, the needle skips and it becomes the beat not the aberration, scratching and clawing to get to the surface with no sense of direction, internal compass set to dizzy

persistence, resistance, assistance, need assistants, helpers to move the beleaguered monotone minions of benign growths and malignant tutors

hope, hype, hypnotic horroscopic stereoscopic and feelings of incontinent innocence, eerie errors on the roof of the terrordome, kaleidoscopic and misanthropic daydreams of tiny men in white suits and neoprene gloves, no trace evidence, crime unseen, time unclean, mind over matter, mind doesn’t matter, matter, madder, master of incongruence

fluent in heartache, desperation and too much alone time

need relief

filled with self disrespect, disinfected, disaffected air of ignorant self assumption, a resumption of the neural pathways to ignominy and beyond

release from the same thoughts of sinful self repugnance

delusional illusions of any other feeling but fear

ramifications of tooth and nail struggles to get dressed, to humanize, euthanize, actualize, realize, the grand truth of inconsequential consequences, cognitive dissonance the only consistent ringing note

not sure who is running the ship today

drunken captains and insecure crewmen clamoring for equal amounts blame, shame and refrain from petty laments and lame half hearted compliments

criticisms and gossamer gleamings, prosaic and improbable, unprovable and impishly imprecise, improvised and unpopular in design

desire

dangling feverishly over the edge of this impoverished internment camp for underdeveloped emotional growths, tumors of triumphant ignorance

graciously offered and properly kept

detritus

respite

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