tornado warning

the summer before i moved to texas tornados destroyed a good chunk of ft worth

funky town as the locals call it

i don’t know why

i am hard pressed to think of a less funky town

salt lake city probably

moscow strikes me as more vibrant underground house or techno

i like it here

ish

and the tornado warning was just sent out

as a poorly educated and not all that smart person i rely on hucksterisms and superstition to guide me through life

but i can only assume that the ravaging affects of global warming on hurricanes is eventually going to whip up a super tornado

sharks not included

fuck

i hope

anyway

so if the constant progression so far is any indication

i’m going to oz soon

hope the silver slippers are high top low heel

that constant calf work out will make the trek to the emerald city a real chore

and i already know the bucket of water secret

shit

spoiler alert

get me a purple horse and settle down in the enchanted forest

relax and pick up the apples the trees throw

you can live off of butter and potatoes, the apples would just make it sweeter

maybe i could learn magic

instead i will probably just eventually die in an increasingly dramatic escalation on disaster

but i’m going to look amazing

so i have that going for me

i am my own tornado of

cotton candy and thumbtacks

hand grenades and kitty litter

bravado and braggadocio

idiocy and delusions of grandeur

i make it pop