projector

i get depressed
end up reading
hank
then i get angry
as the neighbor upstairs
does aerobics
at three in the morning
as the car alarm
goes off
the neighbors
across the parking lot
that spent all night
loudly making love
now argue
in half heard epithets
spit like occam’s razor
against the silence
i so desperately seek
in a world that won’t
shut the fuck up
for five minutes
the stupid dog throws itself against the fence
because the two teenagers think
no one knows
they are sitting
by the bushes
smoking a joint
as the dog drools
on the back of their
sweat soaked shirts

how long has it been
since i heard a plane
go overhead?

i need a bottle
of red wine
a couple of pain pills
a record player softly
playing bill evans
her head
on my chest
as we drift to sleep

there is an old projector
in the back of my mind
that plays all the sweetest parts
of her
on a loop
to bathe my brain in joy

i keep it hidden away from
hank
and ezra
and jack
and hunter
and richard
so they can’t write
a masterpiece
about her

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