waking

i kept waking
reaching
for her

not unusual

the pain
of missing her
combined
with the pain
in my shoulder
has me up
four to ten times
a night

but
these times
were
different

because
somewhere out there
she wasn’t
reaching for me
as well

so
the pain
in my shoulder
was joined
by a pit
in my stomach
a knot
in the back
of my throat

and
as i sit here
watching the sun rise
tired
sore
saddened
beyond reason

the light
doesn’t quite
seem
to reach me
in this new
darkness
even as
the rest of the world
brightens

i feel
choked
by shadows
coated
by night

and i know
i will keep reaching
for her
but find nothing
except the darkness
clutching
the emptiness
that lays beside me.

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