how to breathe

i am done
holding
my breath
waiting
for her
waiting
for a big break
a moment of
recognition

i am done
thinking
that clever word play
earnest emotion
an open heart
a curious mind
mean more
than a roadside oddity
to beautiful women

she had been
pouring gas
to show her disinterest
yet i was still
left bewildered
when she callously
tossed the match
as she walked
away

then she was the victim
with graphite
on her hand
from the need
to make sure
i knew
i wasn’t enough
with her sketches
and her pent-up rage

as my words
languish
because i don’t have
a big name behind me
pushing me forward
just another cog
in a system
that has too many gears
spinning uselessly

if i am quiet
it is because
no one cares about
what i have to say
just holding my breath
mouthing prayers
that go unheard
as the world
keeps turning

i am angry
i am hurt
i am invisible
unfriended
by the one that said
she would never leave
ignored by those
that use my head
as a stepping stone

and I have
forgotten
how to breathe

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