it cannot be
considered

drowning

if it is
his own hands
holding him
under the surface

is it suicide
he insists
if you can’t

recall
having lived

the sky is always
fucking gray
and he cannot tell
if it is
following him
or if he is
causing it
in the simple sin
of existing

in half time

screaming
in silence
because he
is well aware
he isn’t
important enough
to bother
anyone else

in lulls between
ragged screams
he wonders
how many weeks
it would take
to discover
his half decomposed body
how long before
anyone actually
noticed
he was gone

if he was
ever
noticed

in the first place

he dreams of
drowning

when he manages
to get a moment
of sleep