i have kind of
doubled down
on my disbelief
and found a
strange spiritual
calmness in knowing
nothing matters

a bipolar monk
with abandonment
issues at odds
with my lack of
material objectivity

taken a vow of
honesty
carefully skirting
the truth
it isn’t what you say
it is all in
how you didn’t say it

i like sunrise
with birdsong
steaming coffee
thoughts of her
ultimately enough
carrots to drive
me on to the inevitable
awaiting us all

i don’t have much
but what i do have
is invaluable
everything else
is a construct
of chemicals mixing
in a haze of
depression and pain

a junkie preacher
searching for one
perfect fix
before it all
goes tits up
a forgotten stain
on a hotel mattress