content to drown

i am content
to ride the ocean
of fathomless emotion
the hyperbolic flow
of bipolar extremes
knowing the danger
but giving every
heartspasm to
my beacons of stability
the lodestones in
my shattered soul
that guide me home
tethered to the sea
seeking to drown me

my thoughts are
unruly chaotic sparks
burning my mind with
an uncertainty of
self destruction
that often leaves me
questioning my own
faulty perception
forcing me to trust
the feelings over
each errant impossibility
flashing in the silence
as i collect the ashes
of clarity and file
them away in the dark
to chew over during
the sleepless nights

i am aware
strikingly painfully so
huddled in a ball
as the waves threaten
to capsize my vessel
whispering my love
as a ward against
the ambivalent nature
of harsh honesty
even as cracks form
in my tarnished armor
while reality insinuates
itself to trample
the false penumbra
blazing madness in
cursed self denials

cutting off the parts
i refuse to accept
now just a splinter
in the place of an oak
driven deep into
the vacancy i cannot
bring myself to acknowledge
as the pieces given away
are little more than
kindling used for
another’s flame
cinders sunken in
the depths of emotion
in cataclysmic despair
unable to drown in
my refusals to give up

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