i didn’t want
any of this life
content to
bleed delusions
anonymously from
the safety of
a worn sage couch

no one knows
the horror of being
seen and not knowing
what they see
when you cannot
see yourself

i can tell you
every flaw i have
run your fingers
along the scars
explaining exactly
how my heart felt
when they were inflicted

i can describe
the looks on their
faces the first
and last times
i told them
i love you
the joy right to
the seething resent
the bored withdrawal
the anxious need
to be anywhere else

a human blind spot
becoming smaller
andsmallerandsmaller
until whatever
it is they perceive
ceases to exist

this life was
nonconsensually
concieved
i vividly recall
none of the pain
began until after
being ripped
from the fucking void

maybe i am just
a little punchy from
being up all night
the weight of being
compressing down
making cubic zirconia
to fool them all
into placing false value
as the sorrows dance
through manmade crystals

don’t be tricked
by my topical illusion
connived into seeing
meaning hidden in
the sad words spewed
just another fleabag
motel with a neon sign
only the no is
burned out leaving
a flashing vacany
screaming into the night