sometimes,
i cannot tell
when big bpd
pulls me this way
and little bpd
pulls me the other
how to not let it
rip me into two.

then i remember
her telling me
i used my issues
as a crutch.

how do you ask
for help then?
when the person
you loved
says something like that?

you don’t.

no
instead
you ball everything up
and let it choke you
because you don’t
want to be a burden.

you don’t want
to use it as a crutch
when you don’t know how
something so horrible
can be one.

but they have it
all figured out.
you were misdiagnosed.
those fancy doctors
don’t know shit.
they minimize
your feelings
while you minimize
your feelings
to try and be better.

soon no one
gives a fuck about
your feelings.
the spiral grows
as you sink
downdowndown.
this is when they
begin to see
on shit
you were actually
telling the truth.

you might not
notice this though
chances are
you have already
been discarded.