i lay here
manic
pulsating an
inverted rainbow
across the
bedroom ceiling
thrumming with
an insatiable
desire for
a peace of mind
in the pieces
of mine laying
scattered across
the mattress in
complete distress

a lifetime spent
running away from
a home i never
fully realized was
part and parcel no
destination but
an encapsulation of
the haunting behind
shifting hazel dismay
as seen in infrequent
accidental glances
in the bathroom mirror

we are our own hell
each and every seemingly
inescapable torment is
housed in the unraveling
strands of who we are
repeated and relayed in
our every solitary moment
where we have nowhere else
to turn for solace except
the ever echoing aching
in our hollow skulls

in my embarrassment i
have forgotten every time
i have been complimented
while each declaration on
my many and varied failings
is part of the growing litany
on a constant loop reminding
me to keep my head down
to keep my mouth shut

there is a reason
lies are sweetly whispered
while the truth is a bitter pill
and trust me
as someone who says
what they are thinking
rather than sugar coating things
the only time anyone
truly wants the truth
is when it benefits them
a nation of diabetics
choosing saccharin falsehoods
which conform to their particular
stunted beliefs even if it
will likely cost them a leg
if they are lucky rather
than accept maybe they were wrong

where do we run to
when we need to escape ourselves
once we have accepted home
is a series of scars
buried so deeply
we have ceased to
recognize the architect
of our incessant torments
the only one truly to blame
was ourself all along?