Sunday morning coming down

good morning

just wanted to say hi. connect a little. not in the mood today. headaches are getting worse. 

My ex is getting the last of her things today. it will be nice to finally close the door. there will always be things that we shared, and I am grateful for them. But it is in the past.

Moving forward has been a process. A series of events that have been jarring and excruciating at times. But I hold my head up and continue ever onward. 

I am appreciative in my agony this morning. of the small things people do. the little things in life. 

I am apprehensive in my agony today. of the future. of this never ending cycle of hope and sorrow. of not moving on after each new series of disappointments. 

I need to get some groceries. Feel the urge to look at clothes. Dress this mess in a way that no one sees the truth. An air of mystery and confidence. 

just hope they do not look me in the eyes. the key is lack of eye contact to keep them guessing. and then fade away into the brush. 

I learned as a kid that hiding was an effective means of deterrent. sometimes right out in the open. I am practically a ninja. words are my swords and shuriken. I toss caltrops to stop pursuit as witty observations of someone else if they get too close. 

it is exhausting

I am not afraid that someone will see the real me and accept or reject me. I am afraid i will accept them. that feels more dangerous in the long run. attachments seem like they are like the big red spot on a boss in a game. they point out weak point. that is how you get defeated.

As someone waiting for his first win that is not named Maia or Dax, you will have to trust me. 

I’m tired and my head hurts. I hope you are good. Gonna go adult. 

hugs and sloppy wet kisses, maybe some soulful eye stares because you are worth it

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