Eye Contact, words

I avoid eye contact whenever possible

they say the eyes are the window to the soul, a look with in, and I don’t want you to see what is within me, to judge by my lack of character, to see past this character that I portray, to see what I lack

so I avoid eye contact whenever I can

it is odd for some, they see an autistic auteur, staring at his shoes or off to the side, controlling the scene

the artistic author, words instead of facial tics, devoid of perilous perceptions

a negligent conversation, half hearted and bundled in clever things

are you paying attention, I can repeat every word as I visualize what we are saying, dancing with the words, a soft shoe spoken word endeavour

my soul my gaze my way

I don’t want you to see what I am hiding behind these green and brown speckled with yellow orbs of indecency and devotion

to stare into your orbs

I fall too fast, too hard and irrevocably into you when I do

so I don’t make contact, wear contacts, seek contact, sign contracts or make promises I cannot fulfill

I avoid eye contact because I feel vulnerable

I avoid eye contact because I hate what you will see and when I see that reflected in your eyes, this thing I despise I know you cannot help but hate it as well, even when you truly don’t 

it is easier to say the words, allow wiggle room for you to believe they are made up, because if you look into these deceptive reflective holes into my heart you will see I mean them

and that is too much

or when you laugh at them and I look away you cannot see me flinch

the pain flickers for a second and then no more

I avoid eye contact to protect you from me, to deflect what you see, to avoid you reject me

because that is the end result of connecting on that level

because that is what I have learned from staring into other souls

I look away and see things as they could be, watercolors in another frame, last bastions of better days

post modern images of past written phrases, lingering laments, over due payments, saturated and festooned with pastel pigments and indignant clashing brushstrokes

grandiose and bare

I avoid eye contact and spin fairy tales instead

misread contradictive and misleading phrases of devout jargon, marginal, footnotes for exposition, a glossary of terms, prefaced with side long glances at your beautiful face, epilogue apologies and indifferent tabled contents

I avoid eye contact because the story is already told

it was written before it was imagined, beaten and forced into submissive stance by the architects of ineffectual definitions

so I avoid eye contact so you do not avoid me

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