i bought myself a valentine’s day gift today

it is a knife holder in the shape of my dessicated heart

now when i cook the meals i do not taste i can pull a blade out and in sustenance find a small piece of absolution

and when i regret the food i consumed and clean the mess of my weakness i can slide it back into place

it is cathartic in a mindlessly messy way, stabbing myself in the heart instead of waiting for someone else to do it

empowering engineering my own demise

and when the week goes by and nary a blade has pierced my weary cardiac distress it is a victory