bundle of nerves and headache

flight to Boston in the early morning, new faces, new lessons, a week away from home

thoughts of her, somewhere out there, does she think of me, does anyone

silence is the soul killer, leading to questioning, leading to doubting, leading to layers and layers of worry

does any of it matter

any of this chemical despondency, this building of butterflies into a torrent of wings and nauseous indignation

i wonder

the kids are gone and the lack of company brings out the worst in me, makes me morose and spiralling depression mount

too many questions, not enough answers

all too much, too little, too big

too too too

like an owl with a toothache

and i am not sure if i am the owl or the toothache

or something in between

am i persuasive, invasive, or just too desparating

only time will tell

and waiting is like being crushed by the weight of my mind