opened the door this evening and found a battered package sitting outside

no return address, just my name ransom note style in cutout letters from a magazine

inside was my heart, a note attached by a nail piercing the right ventrical

it said thanks but no thanks, i recognized your arts and craft style

i left the nail in as i slid it back into my chest, the constriction a reminder that trying leads to pain

a simple application of crazy glue to close the wound and tattoo around the edges that says do not open

achtung, contents not fit for human consumption

now i sit, gut shot and sore, trying to figure out what it was i did

nursed my head all day and failed to write a thing of note

succeeded in coming apart at the seams

waited with bated breath for something that was destined to not arrive, and arrived at a conclusion that i am not worth the wait

looked forward to returning home for a week to hate it here in the span of a day

this amusement park ride is less than amusing, the price of admission too high

and i cannot get in with credit, thought to treat myself but the bounced check of adequacy mocked my every attempt at catching it

it is the millimeter space between heartache and love i reside within

and my magnetic personality is such that it applies the same pole to every situation, pushing away instead of pulling me in

left with a case of tetanus and tingling left arm

when you killed yourself part of me died as well, i salted the ground where you stood so none would ever take root and grow there

it is a place of bitter memories and fond regrets

you never gave me my soul back, i had to buy it from the pawn shop you sold it to

i cannot find it in my second hand shop heart to forgive you, and i put that on the long list of things i despise as i look in the mirror every morning

the fuzzy recollections of you have become distorted in time

i had hoped to die together, bit instead you chose to kill is both by omission

when i finally get to hell, i won’t seek you out, for if your torment is half the guilt you gifted me

i’ll know you understand suffering

fuck you, love me