you’ve never seen a rat

not until you see one in a big city

midwest or east coast preferably

the damn things

size of dogs

and not afraid

not of some piece of shit

not in their alley

they would rear up

hiss with yellow orange teeth

one night, after some debauchery

more accurately

in the midst of some truly hedonistic drinking and abuse

i slipped down the alley to piss on a dumpster and smoke a joint

it was dark

couple blocks from the exit

my favorite dive bar in chicago

anyway

so i am using the wall as a different type of support mechanism

lighter won’t light

so i have to monkey fuck the joint from my cigarette

drop the cig onto the trash strewn ground

nearly piss on myself reaching down to pick it up

that was when this schnauzer sized rat jumps up and spits at me

i jerked towards it

pissed right in it’s angry, ugly little face

i figured it would go two ways

it bites my dick off

it runs away

little bastard must have recognized one if it’s own

it blinked urine from it’s eyes and scurried down the alley

trash flew around as it did

i finished what turned out to be an epic leak

leaned against the wall and flicked that damn lighter until it ignited

i looked down the alley and saw the wet little prick staring at me

felt like i owed him

so i smoked half of it, light a fresh smoke off it and flicked it down the alley

“sorry little guy but it is dirt weed”

he didn’t seem to care

just wanted me gone

hope he at least took a big sniff of it

city rats have higher class than country mice

even when soaked with what was probably forty proof piss