when she left she took the dogs

i’m not a dog person

i got them for her because, at the time, i would have done anything for her

and i grew to love them

pains in the ass they were

always needing to go out

or needing attention

like rowdy three year olds

and when she left she took them

they were hers

sort of

bought for her at least

but the black one who grew to be a big black one

he and i had a bond

i called him beast friend

he loved me

it only took her a couple months before she told me one had died

and that she was giving away my beast friend

and i sit all alone

everyday

missing them

the companionship

i think i would be less of a depressed mess if i had them still

but i don’t

and today i was idiotically strolling down memory lane

deleting the excess off my phone in anticipation of a getting a new one

and stumbled upon them

and it tore me up

one was dead

the other given away

i remember the day she told everyone lies and moved out while i was at work

coming home and my first thought was where are the dogs

i knew she was planning on leaving

had come to the conclusion on the drive home that day

i just figured she’d be gone

instead they were and she was waiting to take the car

i miss the dogs

occasionally her

but that is probably the lonely talking

my beast friend

now someone else’s

and the other dead

because she never did learn how to love correctly

it was always about her

wish i’d never gone through the pics

or had deleted them forever ago

guess i knew one day the hurt would be gone and the memories would be nice

it isn’t like it was all bad

just the last year and a half

now i am spiralling again

ever down

always alone

misery loves company they say

here it just lingers