had a breakthrough

i don’t know how to handle when things are over

i’m incapable

in the middle of twelve books but unable to finish one of them

just start another

binge watch something until the final couple and let it linger

but it is a state of flux

i’ll snap to a new mind state

finish them all in a day

demand the closure

have to read with the kindle plugged in and plow through

for now i gather

cultivate a surplus like a squirrel sensing winter

fat cheeks and ever present headache

insisting time stop so he can smell the dandelion fluff on the wind

tickle my nose and sneeze this

irrational

unrational

not crazy

or insane

those words have a poor connotation and draw the eye to the darker side

this is a disorder

disorder in the court

the defendant stands accused of indecipherable gradiants on interdisciplinary committees in local government

of knowingly extending his

grandiloquence

purposefully trying to shift the dynamic from his

outlying condition

maybe

to another tired allegorical inaccuracy

out of his mind on booze and having decided this may, in fact, be as good as it gets

unsubtly distracting while dancing like a raptor in heat to bedazzle the dark with sequined euphemisms

a eulogy on more

a doctoral study on the benefits of clinging to wisps of then

images locked in time

and they are better than now in every way

but if you admit

even whisper it in the vast caverns of your own secret solitude

it’s over

then the whole thing crumbles like a cookie just past saturation in the glass of milk

while delicious

all that is left is a mess

so i will collect my tales

leave them hovering at the edge

and in a mad dash to fix everything that is wrong with a whimsical act of closure

realize i have to find new fuel

crazy takes no vacation

loops and swirls

ouroboros