a friend shared an article about how people only fall in love three times in their lives

the first is innocent

the second is to learn tough lessons about ourselves

the third is a surprise and when it all finally clicks

i remember the innocent one

she sometimes haunts my dreams still

and the jagged wounds of the tough one have formed great scars that make me fear the third

how do you differentiate a crush from a love

they feel the same in the moment

the same intoxicating need

do they just fade away the same

vibrant spirits that encircle our hearts but only for a time

i worry the walls built to weather the storms are too high

the doors have been too reinforced

all the hurt and slung arrows will prevent entry

barring the way for the third to stumble drunkenly into the shadow and bring forth healing light

they say it happens when you aren’t looking

when you least expect it

well when you have zero expectations

and have given up

i’ll assume the ground is at it’s most fertile

the acidity is just right for a seedling to grow root

but the problems with assumptions are well known

inked upon the tattered parchment of my soul in tenative handwriting

like a child’s

or a man in mid sob

maybe it is all a lie

and the chemicals do what the chemicals will

i’m no chemist or scholar

just an empty vessel

a failed poet

that squashes the hope for more

in a feeble attempt to draw it out of hiding

the fool that fools himself is the greatest fool of all

and i wear that sash proudly

festooned with my jester cap and jingling bells

hoping to scare away any skulking foes

banter and dime store philosophical blathering

spitting odes to nothingness into the murky deep

more likely to attract a kraken than a mermaid to strum these frayed heart strings