dread fills my every moment

trepidation

the haunting tones of anxiety murmuring through my vacant skull

my stomach an acid filled barometer and the pressure in mounting

i never wanted more from anyone than a kind word and passing hello

instead it is all irrational expectations and searching for hidden meanings in my words

they are all i have

these stories of hopefulness and wishful thinking

and even those are dissected and rejected without understanding i know they will never be real

in the beginning of time there was nothing but darkness

in my present state of mind even that is crumbling away

if you expect anything from me but the occasional poem of love unanswered and bouts of mania infused breakdowns

you came to the wrong place

there is no happy endings here

just dreams that are secretly nightmares wrapped in gossamer threads and lips ripe for kissing

manicured nails that hide talkns dripping with poison and polished veneers that hide deadly fangs

i don’t know where to turn and who to trust

i have issues

and the issues have issues

now i’m going to curl up in a ball and sob