it’s deathly silent

the only sound as i lay back on the picnic table is my fingers tapping the screen

my heart beating in my head

beating me into civility

how the mind slips and slides down muddy paths next to the creek of slow moving emotional sludge

a reservoir of unrequited wonder

the tall cattails slapping my colorful forearms

insects of doubt and need sucking and biting

where am i

i’m not here

nor there

just lost in the rain slick fields of longing

i’d sleep but the dreams that come to my waking mind are as pent up and burning as any bed of coals

the sizzle of flesh and tears

a sauna for the hellishly bedridden

yet no noise disturbs my eerie reverie

and in the real world of false belief

a car crash twenty feet away

soundless

a flash of violence that blends into the scenery

wrenching the creased door open to expell the shaken occupant

but i’m not here

not fully

this function of detached body and roaming brain seems to be grainy and found footage in nature

she’s fine

a perfect martini for a secret agent

and i resume my contemplation

the world just shadows cast by the light of one far away

offset and stretched

am i here

i can’t tell

if it is all just the dream of some celestial creature

a fluctuating burr on the third eye of eternity

turn on the sound

my heartbeat sounds like the surf coming in

and i cut my hand on a piece of safety glass

but the droplets look so divine on the viridescent grass

and she keeps thanking me soundlessly between frantic calls as we wait for the police

shhh

don’t wake him

it

whatever

i want to see how this plays out

maybe this time it works out

we’ll be fine and happy and where we belong

let the rain wash away your pain

the ambulance driver sees the blood as i walk away

i’m sure he calls out

but i don’t care

it’s just red water

an offshoot of the stream i follow

off to find the next chapter in this pop up book of mental mishaps