if i had a nickel for everytime i checked the phone in hopes of a text or missed call

i would swim through them like a scottish cartoon duck

for everytime i set the phone down and picked it right back up

knowing it didn’t beep

but hopeful i just didn’t hear it

if i got a penny for each time i opened facebook

and a dime for every moment of disappointment

a quarter for every smile

a dollar for every missed chance

i would be rich

able to see if love is truly something you cannot buy

i bet it is something you can purchase

and my always being broke is why i don’t have any

amazon offers free two day shipping on most things

maybe i just don’t know the keyword to order it

can i get a payment plan

refund all the drugs and liquor that never healed the crack in my heart

use that as a down payment on something bigger

if every speeding ticket got me closer to joy

if every mistake was a credit to future happiness

i would be set for life

not sitting here waiting for the phone to ring

earning nickels at a rapid pace

faking smiles for quarters

writing bad words with good intentions

or checks for things i cannot afford to buy

if i had a receipt for every moment of longing i would be buried in an avalanche of paperwork

but i would have something to show for my time wasted