quiet time on the side of the road

when i write i hear the voice of the writer boom in the hallways of my mind

when i spin in place long enough i can feel the space between thoughts

that little moment of doubt

a cask of wine floating in wispy seas of nothing

rocking on non-existent waves

the internal motion at odds with the external causing discombobulated off key sways

off the wagon and humming into the void in an effort to echolocate the exit

like a submarine in free fall

speeding towards the brackish surface

a buffet of tangential horoscopes and ever gently swinging wrecking balls

hummingbirds and hornets lash out in unified field theory

darting out with chalk stained wings and the the joy of understanding

in and out of psychic cellular coverage

pure ego and stealth capabilities

going nowhere at the speed of light

lightly seasoned with fresh cracked pepper and rejection

really kills the vibe in the room

i can’t read and write at the same time

the influence of the words in front of me on the ones inside of me cause this bleed over

so yesterday everything was flavored with hard boiled detective

and i didn’t like it

so i let myself sit in that eon of doubt and really listen to what it had to say

it said it was garbage

and as i floated in the warm embrace of space i watched a submarine fulfill it’s wish of flight

spectacular 4k destruction

curled the toes a little

i am at odds with myself today

pissed away half the day on empty gestures

tap dancing on the cemetery sidewalks indifferent to the pain all around

black leotard and jazz hands like crazy

fake grin painted on with cheap paint that runs as the sweat covers my brow

not enough cardio

working in vanity muscles while somehow getting more out of shape

a conundrum

a small wooden puzzlebox with intricate carvings and hiding the portal to hell or some contrite allegory to greed and avarice

a lesson learned in the end and a hearty chuckle towards the camera

i like to suspect a hidden meaning somewhere in all of this mess of writhing bodies and dna spills

but then i look around me and realize it survive and mingle with the unwashed masses at your own peril

bath in hand sanitizer and hope it doesn’t make you susceptible to a new incursion of smallpox or military grade gonorrhea trained to attack based on facebook ads and

is that a trojan in your hard drive or are you just happy to see me

self replicating innocuous code making everything slow to a halt and the porn isn’t going to watch itself i swear to jesus on the holy hobby horse

that may have been my cult

carry on

nothing to see here

anyway

not dead yet

back to it, so on and so forth and such

nothing but insincerity and self sacrifice in the pit tonight

a little self sabotage for this failed provocateur of fetishes and hang nail philosophical meanderings

when you build a dam you have to expect a little overflow

a stream of lacsadasical gestures

rainsoaked on a sunny day

cradled

windswept declarations of undying idiosyncrasies

look at me i’m uniquely undefined

underfunded

unmistakably under duress

in this indistinct juxtaposition of inherent soccer mom tendencies and wine stained broaches

the only medicine that works is illegal and everyone profits

did bare truth spill from foam filled maws and drip a single solitary drop of heinous caterwauling from the dubious shadow men half hidden in the fog of free from soul standards and succulent drone strikes

the watched pot never boils

it does

eventually

and still the world turns

this happy mistake and incidental forget me not moments

momentum lost

i can’t juggle any more chainsaws and i’m feeling dizzy from loss of blood

gonna sit here for a second

reevaluate damn near everything

for the fifth time today

anxiety is only bad when you don’t give in to it

fighting it is hard

racing around the room blindfolded and carry knives is frowned upon

but i can’t say no to know you

to breathe you into my mind and play in the waves of your perfection

it is a damn shame what happened to those one guys that time

fade away on a cloud of insincerity

just the hint of my musk in the air