the first night she stayed the night, we laid together, my arms wrapped around her, her hair in my face, her breast in my hand

all felt right in the world

and as she drifted to sleep, scooting closer though there was no more closeness to be found between our naked forms

she murmured softly that she loved me

it was the first time those words had left her lips and found their way into the world, and i held her tighter, my heart hammering in it’s cage and we slept, unmoving

we woke in the same position, my right arm numb, her hair all over my face, in my mouth, threaded into my beard somehow and i wanted it to stay like that the rest of my life

the last night she stayed, i put my arm around her, her hair in my face, my hand cupped her breast

a few minutes later she said she was hot and rolled onto her stomach, i rolled onto my back staring at the ceiling and i whispered i love you into the still air

it hung there, abandoned as her steady breathing filled the room

i woke before the alarm and crept like a thief so as to not disturb her

the i love you still clung to the air above her and as i got dressed it popped and she woke slightly, brushed the dust of it from her tired cheeks and went back to sleep

it was as if she had heard the words too many times and they lost their meaning

all the sugary things i said had given her cavities and she found her sweet tooth worn to the nerve

when i said i love you she felt a twinge of pain on her jaw

a subtle ache coursed through her

then she was gone

months later she called and we spoke and she fell into her comfortable routine, our banter as it was

and as time ticked past and it grew late i told her i needed to go to sleep

and before she hung up she said she loved me

for a moment the muscle memory formed the words in my mouth

i love you too

but a bit of steel crept into my jaw and froze the words

leaving hers hanging there

i said good bye and hung up

i wonder if they still float somewhere out there, hovering and waiting to be accepted

or have they long since popped and fallen like dust to the ground

words said too many times to retain a semblance of meaning, a mere echo of what came before

but i still remember the first time, when they were freshly minted and made just for me, how wonderful they felt sliding along my nervous system and how i wished that feeling would always be there

of laying there with my arms around her and wanting to protect her from the ills of the world

when every word was ripe with meaning