it was the sillohuette of a raven perched just outside my bedroom window

i could feel the beady eyes, intelligent, far more so than any animal has the right to be, staring, judging through the dusty pane of glass

my arms were behind my head under the pillow

light flickered and danced across the ceiling as i stared, empty feeling, alone, anxious

still sleep wouldn’t come

the tapping of a limb against the window, hypnotic, a rhythm to a song that sat just outside memory, like a mother’s heartbeat through amniotic fkuid

did my mother’s heart sing me softly to sleep

my pupils were tiny black razors, cutting through thought after thought

the raven sat staring

how many nights did she lay draped across me as i did this very thing, this routine of insomnia, this game of going insane by inches, losing myself in the milky way of dread

did i ever tell her about the bird, she would have known if it were real, seen through the illusion, delusion, refusal to see that covered my eyes like cataract filled twenty twenty blindsight

keep staring you prick

i can wait all night