the first weekend of divorced life was one of the worst weekends to ever wreak ends as the week ended in a dull ache instead of a restful celebration of weak endings
the silence was deafening
it’s funny how it is not the things around but the things no longer around that make the biggest impression on a weary soul
the endless fighting was at an end as punch-drunk arms could no longer bear to bear the burden of bare emotion left discarded
the kids seemed confused
not him
no
he was too little to understand that the new normal was not the old normal but the new reality was the only reality so no adjustment was necessary
she was happy to be daddy’s little girl but wondered at the lack of the other half no longer the better half but now the half that had become less and less by increments over the years
and i was left in a stupor stupefied by the sudden weight that was lifted only to be replaced by a new weight that was just as heavy to keep what could have been a buoyant soul firmly tethered to the same trappings of a lead lined discomfort
it gradually grew easier
like all breakups that aren’t break ups but breaking downs that are not eggs and bacon kinds of breakfasts but break slows that grind the sturdiest boulder into flakes of shale
they grow easier
but i still remember that first weekend of uncomfortable comfort of silent screaming of oxymoronic meanderings and moronic meanings
i don’t regret a moment of the then of the before of the after because it was all once upon a time in bedlam
but now the silence is heavier itchier different and the same
it makes me thankful for the blessings bestowed as the sins compiled as the smiles faded as the words began to flow
we weren’t the same people then as we are now as we’re before as we’ll be long after
the sun is the only constant
and the silence
it all depends on how it is viewed reveled in the hidden thoughts revealed
as i move on to the place i was meant to be i can’t help but linger on the time before that shaped me into the one ready for the future
i smile
bittersweetly as the sun shines it’s dying rays to be reborn as i was in the cauldron of back then
i love you like i should have loved all that came before but wasn’t able to
so it seems it all has fallen into place
born of silence
It’s painful and a blessing…
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I’d like to say something, but don’t have anything to say. Guess I’ll just share in your silence.
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we can just hang out. Friends don’t always need to talk
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Deal.
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