after the beep

can you hear me?

am i doing this right?

be silence once for yes
twice
for no

it’s just that
i have been dealing
with a ton of shit
lately

some of it
wasn’t even my fault

who the fuck am i kidding?

it is all my fault

the straw
broke the camel
or
choked
a fucking turtle
or
was used in a nest
for still born
lizards

was that twice or once?

hello?

are you out there?

do these pleas
for an ending
to this

everything

go unheard

euthanize
my heart
before
i take its life

cauterize
my brain
where her kisses
once soothed
the savage emptiness

am i speaking out loud
or
just screaming
in the vacant eyes
of her emotional withdrawal
that left my
account
in arrears
as i fall
into
the red of another
investment
that paid out
in mothballs
and
too many
shed tears

maybe
i will try back

later

maybe

if not
tell her
i love her

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