the fascination
in taking things
apart
putting them
back together
understanding
how the gears
interlock
the direction
they spin
tracing wires
figuring out
what made them
function

i have pulled
myself into
pieces
a kaleidoscopic
cellular
breakdown
to figure out
what is wrong
with me
in the hopes
of magically
putting myself
back together
functional
and right

too brittle
too easily
shattered
because i don’t
know how to be
anything but
this mess
of broken teeth
unwittingly
causing my own
miseries
to manifest

i try so
fucking hard
yet always end up
lacking
and now i feel
the world
crumbling
around me
and even though
i don’t know
how
i know
it is all
my doing
i cannot make
myself
any more
transparent
and i cannot
fix
what i don’t
know is broken.