i am not
adverse to
change
just petrified
of anything
different
from the
status quo
i have built
my necessary
routines upon
the rigid
rules on
which my
fractured
brains subsides

but now the
blue has become
green and
the constant
comparisons
to days past
are a rusty
nail jammed
deep into my
anxiety dipped
sense of self

the itchy need
to write
undermined by
the off-putting
unnecessary
changes implemented
leaves me in
an uncertainty
still the same
but different
sidestepped into
a paralllel plane
where the familiarity
marks the jarring
substitutions

this too shall
eventually pass
it isnt like i
do not stubbornly
cling to things
that want nothing
to do with me
able to pretend
the new protocols
are tried and true
i spent an entire
year telling her
sweet dreams even
as she told me
nothing at all
so being thrown
into flux while
trying to maintain
a semblance of
uncertain surrender
is old hat now

the calming blue has
become a toxic green
as everything
falls to pieces