Pressure

I held her while she confessed her love to another man

725000 pounds per square inch is required to form a diamond

I had told her how I felt for her an hour prior

8 pounds to tear off an ear

it was crushing, I had no chance

11 to collapse a trachea, 33 to crush it

we had talked for weeks, told secrets and I thought we were falling in love

between the top and middle of the breast bone lies the upper sea of Qi, gentle pressure with the fingertips reduces heart palpitations, apply for one minute 

but I wasn’t the one, even if I thought she was, is, could be, possibly

5 pounds to pull the trigger of a glock

I am not the one, not for her, not for anyone, all I want is someone to hold, to love me back, to have a family with, start something real and lifelong with

220 pounds to set off anti-personal mines

the pressure builds in direct proportion to my sorrow and depression 

1000 to 1500 pounds to snap a neck, equivalent to a drop of nine feet

gentle pressure to heal, not much more needed to kill or maim, too much to become something more, something beautiful that can be shown off and feel special

8 pounds to snap an elbow

I am a free diver, going deeper and deeper into the ocean, my lungs shrinking into the size of tennis balls, aching for sweet air but steadily going down, proving a point to myself that no amount of pressure can crush me

15 pounds to pop a knee out of socket

only transform me into something more. or less. no clue which I need to be so I just accept the embrace 

just enough to break me, not enough to kill, and never enough to bring sweet relief

pressure

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