i have come to a conclusion

this voyage of loneliness, the futile search for someone to share this life of misery with is illusionary

the she i have spent far too long looking for is an intangible thing

like trying to catch sand with a net, no matter how tightly woven, the particulates are always finer

slipping through these numb fingers

she is love, the abstract not a personification

chasing ghosts of what never truly existed, a solitary goal leads to a solitary existence

no more the foolish knight questing for a holy grail

instead open eyed eagle human hybrid, owl like neck on a swivel

so many wasted nights soaked in misled tears, the journey of a simpleton

it is all temporary, just with an unknown shelf life, best indugled in small doses

life is the leading cause of death, love the leading cause of substantial existential injury

a reaction to the false depiction of addiction to the redundancy of dependency and despondency

as false as hope, as tangible as dreams, as realistic as religion, as empty as the space between atoms

an electrical function of the flawed human condition

misfires and misconstrued mental hiccups

rather listen to tribe called quest, than obsess over inconsequential inadequacies

might be a simple recombinate of exhaustion and tension, cause and ineffectual effect, sleepy and somber sobriquets for simple sample sized sigils of someone’s significant silence

all i know is it is far colder in here than it should be and i need a nap and alone time, a loan of time, an extension of arbitrary acceptance

the tributary tribulations of tremors and truth

daring to dredge the darkness of dread, a slow dance for one

my solilioquy